Knowledge is power. Plain and simple, the more we know about anything—but specifically our health—the more we can maintain control, make informed decisions, and manage our health needs and overall well-being. Sometimes we learn too late that there are preventive or proactive measures to a better health outcome. It is easier to understand or analyze something after it has happened, instead of predicting or anticipating how it will be beforehand. Unfortunately, after something happens or doesn’t go our way, it may be too late, especially as it relates to health.
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If it happens in the world of infertility, I’ve done it.
I tried acupuncture, herbs, prayer, geritol vitamins and squeaky clean eating, which meant no gluten, dairy or processed sugar. (That last one didn’t get me anywhere, so I decided that pizza, Snickers and wine felt much more comforting.) I also tried reiki, energy work, intuitive readings, tarot and epsom salt tricks of all kinds — to no avail.
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While enduring an experience that is so thoroughly draining, it is imperative that you are taking concrete steps to find comfort and replenishment, whenever and wherever you can.
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I will never forget the day I was sitting in my therapist's office, telling her how poorly my relationship with my husband was bearing the weight of infertility. She locked eyes with me and said, “what happens if you get the baby you want so badly but your marriage doesn’t survive as a result”?
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Anyone who has not conceived immediately upon trying has likely googled something to the effect of “how long will it take me to get pregnant? Every source on the internet echoes what most people will also hear from their gyno: in so many words, “just relax”. The reality is, this advice can do real damage for some of us.
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Inspired by #NAIW, this month we are focused on breaking the stigma associated with infertility. By sharing our stories, we not only bring greater awareness to infertility but also provide hope to those going through it. Infertility is like a heavyweight on our shoulders, a weight that we carry everywhere we go.
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The secrecy and social stigma surrounding Male Factor Infertility has a disastrous effect on the ability of couples to get the help they so desperately need when struggling to conceive. Many suffer through years of infertility before even considering the prospect that his sperm might have something to do with the issue.
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There is an excellent illustration by the incredible @infertilityillustrated depicting a woman walking down the street looking down at her phone. Hiding behind a corner is another woman wearing a boxing glove, waiting to deliver the first woman a surprise left hook. The boxing gloved woman is a trigger exemplified. It is that sucker punch that knocks the wind out of you when you’re just going about your day, minding your own damn business.
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High profile stories of infertility and pregnancy loss reach the furthest corners of social media and give voice to experiences that so many others are suffering in silence. But they also give permission to readers to feel and think certain things about these experiences. This includes those who are enduring something similar, as well as those who have not yet, or possibly will never, go through anything like it. And therein lies the immense power wielded by media platforms when these articles are published.
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Using Assisted Reproductive Technology to conceive steals our faith in our own bodies and our life-long understanding of how the world works. Where does the belief that conception is the most natural thing in the world leave those of us who need a little boost to reproduce? How do we reconcile what that means for ourselves, our family, our community and yes, even our species?
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Getting a second (and even third) opinion is one of the most painless and helpful things you can and should do. There is little to be lost, and often much to be gained, from presenting your entire fertility history, along with everything you have undergone with your current doctor, to a new, experienced RE for a set of fresh eyes and a fresh perspective.
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Supporting a loved one as they endure infertility is no easy feat. You are likely dealing with someone who is going through months and years-long waves of disappointment, hopelessness, grief, and heartbreak. The good news is, although there is no guidebook for those experiencing infertility, there certainly is one for those in supportive roles.
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More than anything, a Fertility Coach exists to help ease the profound burden of infertility. A good Fertility Coach has been there and knows first-hand how overwhelming, confusing, painful and lonely the process can be. Your relationships, your confidence, your bank account and your body may all take a massive hit as you endure infertility. Here’s how a Fertility Coach can help.
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