Is it Time to Seek a Second Opinion on Your Fertility Journey?
Choosing a fertility clinic and doctor is arguably the most important decision an individual or couple will make during the trying to conceive (“ttc”) journey. Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) is equal parts art and science. (How is that for a fitting acronym?). The approach taken by Reproductive Endocrinologists (RE) can vary widely, even for the exact same diagnosis. Despite dramatic advances within the science of the ever-complex human reproductive system, there remains much that is unknown and impossible to control.
On top of that, every doctor has his/her own style, bedside manner and methods of communication, and finding the right chemistry is as important as your certainty regarding their professional medical experience. Remember, ART is physically invasive and mind-bogglingly expensive. It is truly not something you want to experiment with at the hands of the wrong doctor until you ‘get it right’.
All this to say, once you have made a commitment to a doctor and invested your trust, time, money, body and mind in them, it can be difficult to allow yourself to fundamentally question their approach. Just like with any long-term relationship, it is tempting to make excuses or come up with justifications for why staying the course will help you achieve your goal the most quickly. It can feel the same as staying with the wrong partner because you are convinced it will lead to marriage and a family when, spoiler alert, moving on will actually land you in happily-ever-after a whole lot quicker. (Thank you, Dad, for that life-changing advice).
This is not to say that it is time to move on to a new RE just because you are questioning the tactics of your current one. But what it does mean is that you could likely benefit tremendously from getting a second opinion.
In fact, getting a second (and even third) opinion is one of the most painless and helpful things you can and should do. (This goes for when you’re choosing an RE for the first time as well). There is little to be lost, and often much to be gained, from presenting your entire fertility history, along with everything you have undergone with your current doctor, to a new, experienced RE for a set of fresh eyes and a fresh perspective.
Now, saying that getting a second opinion is ‘painless’ may not be entirely accurate. Truth be told, I was petrified to do it myself once I had already devoted years of money, confidence, and even personal affection, for my first fertility doctor. For so many reasons, the last thing I wanted to hear was that he had missed something.
And admittedly, I am biased about the importance of getting a second opinion because it is what ultimately led to my husband and me achieving success. (Though just like with everything infertility-related, this is by no means a foregone conclusion). So even if the idea feels overwhelming at this point in your journey, and if resistance is rising within you every time you think about it, I urge you to consider pushing through.
Getting a second opinion can result in a few different scenarios.
1) It may lead to the new doctor confirming that everything your current doctor has done, and plans to do, is what he/she would do as well. In other words, keep on keepin’ on. This can be a very comforting outcome. Congratulations!
2) It may lead to the recommendation of a particular test or inquiry that you can then take back to your current doctor. Best case, it is something on the small-side that your initial doctor didn’t think of or could ‘easily’ add on to your current, or next, protocol. Win-win.
3) It may lead to the knowledge that there is an entirely different approach out there that could possibly be your road to success.
Scenario #3 is, of course, the most difficult but also the most exciting, promising, and hopeful - feelings which don’t come along often in the fertility world. However, it does open up a pandora's box of both practical and existential questions. This was my ultimate fear in seeking out a second opinion in the first place. And if you end up with outcome #3, that is certainly one of the top reasons it *may* be time to switch clinics. . BUT, it is not a matter of course to up and switch if you end up with scenario #3, and it is advisable to run through with your current doctor the alternate protocol proposed by the second opinion doctor.
Important: there is no shame in seeking a second opinion. Do NOT feel guilty about sharing it with your current doctor (I did). You are not being ‘unfaithful’. (This is where it’s nothing like the aforementioned will-we-get-married?-scenario).
Good medical professionals should be fully understanding, and even supportive of, seeking additional information vis-à-vis a second opinion. Especially if whatever you have been trying is not working. And truthfully, if your doctor is defensive or unwelcoming, this is a red flag. Openness and receptivity is one of the hallmarks of a good fertility doctor.
Which leaves us with the question of when to seek out a second or third opinion. There is no exact right answer to this and it is certainly different for everyone. You may also find yourself in the ‘right moment’ to do so more than once. But there are a few sure signs that talking to a new doctor is the appropriate next move.
1) You’ve gone through more than one cycle, using the same or similar protocol, without success.
2) You are on a treatment pause. You may be waiting for test results that are taking forever (tick-tock), on extended birth control for a full restart (always awesome), or are recovering from a loss (we are so very sorry). Why not make use of this particular waiting period?
3) You are generally feeling dissatisfied with your current doctor and leave appointments and/or interactions wanting and needing more.
4) You are simply in need of a reboot or reset of some kind. Sometimes in moments of sheer hopelessness (nearly guaranteed during this process) getting those fresh eyes injects some fresh hope and renewed momentum.
Your relationship with your fertility doctor is of the utmost importance. Developing trust and confidence can take time and once you have, it can feel like your doctor is your north star. But remember that even if you are working with the most competent and compassionate professional, there may be something/someone else out there that holds the key to your success. And there may not be. That is kind of the point. Ignorance is anything but bliss when you are doing something with such extraordinarily high stakes.
The more information, the better, even if it means adding yet more difficult decisions. Let’s be real, ART is usually a series of difficult decisions no matter how you cut it, so it is worth seeking out the information. One of the only things you can control in the clumsy, unpredictable and heartbreaking world of infertility is the knowledge you wield. What I want most for you (other than getting your precious little one, of course) is to operate confidently from a position of full knowledge. There’s your power, baby.
Are you wondering if “it’s time” to get a second opinion or just need a little push to get there? Contact Us to talk it through and get the full help and support you need.